Now that was an expensive phone call! I just got off the phone with my wife who is on mission in Nairobi, Kenya.<\/p>\n
The boys are with Grandma in Kansas, I am with 700+ grade schoolers at camp in Texas, and my wife is on the mission field in Africa.<\/p>\n
Literally, the Addis\u2019 are all over the world.<\/p>\n
I haven\u2019t been able to talk to my wife since she left on Saturday, and the 6 am phone call this morning was awesome.<\/p>\n
Actually, the first call that rattled me out of bed was a series of, \u201cHello, can you hear me?\u201d statements that were completely unreciprocated. So, frantically, I pulled up SKYPE on the computer and dialed the same number that just called me.<\/p>\n
I was pretty sure it was my wife since the caller ID showed about 45 numbers… obviously not a telemarketer.<\/p>\n
When I got through, the missionary on the other end said Kathy was there and she\u2019d be very excited to talk… so was I.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s what\u2019s amazing… God has my wife on a mission trip and I have no doubt she is growing, learning and being reshaped by His hand, even as I write these words. But, in the same experience, God is teaching me new things about something completely other.<\/p>\n
I have a Bachelor and a Master\u2019s degree in communication, but I learned a whole new lesson on how to talk to my spouse after this early morning phone call which put my education to shame.<\/p>\n
Timing<\/strong> – I normally do not appreciate phone calls that double as wake up calls. I remember the slow and steady transition of hotels moving from personal wake up calls to computer calls. I was so thankful, because I didn\u2019t have to be \u201cChristian\u201d when I answered the electronic wake ups. I hate being fake nice, and I\u2019m not good at.<\/p>\n When Kat called this morning though, I stumbled out of bed, tripped over a dozen cords and unashamedly hollered into the phone trying to get my voice to make it to Africa even if the cell phone wouldn\u2019t. My camp roommate Daniel shot me an understanding look, but you could could see he was thinking, \u201cReally? 6 am… really?\u201d<\/p>\n Guess I was his wake up call.<\/p>\n The lesson learned, when you get a chance to connect with your spouse, there is no bad time. Make the most of every opportunity.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Content<\/strong> – When you\u2019ve been married 16 years and have spent nearly everyday of that together, there are so many things you want to say if you don\u2019t talked for days. But, I found myself intentionally leaving out the little irritating things: receipts that need to be put in the checkbook, things that need to be returned to the store, small little schedule changes. I just thought, \u201cThese things aren\u2019t even on the radar of important junk, just shut it Addis!\u201d<\/p>\n In fact, I tried to avoid my favorite subject of all times: me. I just wanted to know was she safe, hows the team, you feeling ok, what do you need?<\/p>\n We tend to sweat the small stuff and make it big stuff in marriage. Sure, marriages don\u2019t fall apart over issues like missed items on a grocery list, but when that irritant turns into a disappointment over a mess up on the schedule, which turns into a fight over an ill thought out comment, which leads to a long-term grudge based off of misperceptions… then we have a problem. How much better would it be if we just ignored the small stuff and focused on the big things that really matter.<\/p>\n The lesson learned, when you talk to your spouse focus on the big things and let the little stuff be little stuff.\u00a0 Keep your conversations focused on the important.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Prayer<\/strong>–\u00a0 In these days I don\u2019t have many opportunities to speak to Kathy, so I am talking less to her and more about her to my heavenly Father.\u00a0 I feel more connected to her and intimately with her because I am breathing out prayers for her all the time. And, in our early-morning conversation I needed to know specifically what it was that she needed prayer for…<\/p>\n I\u2019ve been\u00a0 focusing on her safety, and while I will continue to pray that for her no matter what she suggests, her number one concern was for physical endurance. They\u2019ve been up for hours with no sleep in sight and the whole team is going to need supernatural energy. I would not know that if I\u00a0 had not asked.<\/p>\n Actually praying for your spouse is really important, too. Right at the end of our conversation when I could tell she was getting ready\u00a0 to run, I just prayed a 15 second prayer over her. She cried. And, every male reading this knows that when you make your wife cry over good things… you are the man.<\/p>\n The lesson learned, prayer prepares you for deeper level conversation with your spouse and often is that deeper level conversation. Pray for and pray with your spouse if you want to really communicate.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Value<\/strong>– I heard my wife\u00a0 say it and I\u00a0 said it at least a dozen times in our short conversation, \u201cIt\u2019s so good to hear your voice… I miss you… I love you.\u201d All this while I was sitting there watching my computer screen show Skype minutes tick away and the dollar amount rack up. Our short conversation was no little change, but I refused to try and get off the phone until she said she had to leave.<\/p>\n Who knows the next time she\u2019ll find Internet service in that third world country? Who knows the next time she\u2019ll get to borrow a missionary phone? Who knows how precious these moments are for husband and wife separated by two continents and an ocean?<\/p>\n I held back letting her know how much the phone call was costing not because I didn\u2019t want her to know. I didn\u2019t bring it up because it didn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 Getting those few minutes of actual talk time was well worth the dollars.\u00a0 I think too many times in marriage our spouses feel undervalued because we offer our quality and quantity time to other things and people. We often just throw our time scraps in the direction of our spouse, when they should be getting the very best from us.<\/p>\n How many times have we learned valuable family information from somebody outside the family, and simply responded, \u201cThat\u2019s news to me\u201d? How many times have we sacrificed the relationship with our spouse to kid\u2019s sporting events, presumptuous friends and church activities, and the job that we don\u2019t even like?<\/p>\n We need to value our spouse and the way that we spell value in marriage and family is T…I…M…E.<\/p>\n The lesson learned, that every conversation with your spouse is precious and you need to guard that time to prove just how precious it is.\u00a0 Use your time as a tool to communicate the value of the spouse you are talking to.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I am sure there are many other things I should have learned from this conversation, but right after I rolled out of bed to talk with her I had to roll into another \u201cfun-filled\u201d day at camp.<\/p>\n It will be busy, desperately important and a huge focus of my time. But, that will not stop\u00a0 me from breathing out prayers for my boys and my wife. Reminding me to long for them, and preparing me for the next conversation.<\/p>\n Lord, please let me be a better listener than I am a talker. Help me to communicate the value, the love and intimacy with every conversation. And, please help my wife and all the other missionaries to finally get their bags today. It\u2019s been five days since they\u2019ve had a change of clothes and I\u2019m sure that it\u2019s not helping the mission. I pray You bring their bags to them today as a show of Your compassion and mercy. In Jesus name, amen.<\/em><\/p>\n When you get a chance to connect with your spouse, there is no bad time. Make the most of every opportunity.<\/p>\n When you talk to your spouse focus on the big things and let the little stuff be little stuff.\u00a0 Keep your conversations focused on the important.<\/p>\n Prayer prepares you for deeper level conversation with your spouse, and often is that deeper level conversation. Pray for and pray with your spouse if you want to really communicate.<\/p>\n Every conversation with your spouse is precious and you need to guard that time to prove just how precious it is.\u00a0 Use your time as a tool to communicate the value to your spouse.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Now that was an expensive phone call! I just got off the phone with my wife who is on mission in Nairobi, Kenya.<\/p>\n The boys are with Grandma in Kansas, I am with 700+ grade schoolers at camp in Texas, and my wife is on the mission field in Africa.<\/p>\n Literally, the Addis\u2019 are all over the world.<\/p>\n I haven\u2019t been able to talk to my wife since she left on Saturday, and the 6 am phone call this morning was awesome.<\/p>\n Actually, the first call that rattled me out of bed was a series of, \u201cHello, can you hear me?\u201d statements that were completely unreciprocated. So, frantically, I pulled up SKYPE on the computer and dialed the same number that just called me.<\/p>\n I was pretty sure it was my wife since the caller ID showed about 45 numbers… obviously not a telemarketer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[300,297,299,119,301,302,162,298],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/915"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=915"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/915\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":916,"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/915\/revisions\/916"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=915"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=915"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.crosseyedlife.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=915"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}